Do you have an unhealthy relationship with money?

When I first started my manifestation journey way back in 2018, money was the furthest thing from my mind and instead I spent the bulk of my time attempting to manifest external validation. Yet the more I got into it, the more interested in money mindset I became, and I started to pivot my attention (cue huge Ross from Friends flashbacks) to finance.

Since then, I have transformed how I think about and treat money, making huge shifts in my personal progress and manifesting money with ease along the way. But for me, it was the practical realisations that helped spur me in the right direction.

Pretty early on in my journey I realised that I had an unhealthy relationship with money and my newfound spirituality sent me on a path of understanding. It helped me to address the issues that I was facing and to realise where I had been going wrong.

As with everything, the first stage is to admit that there’s a problem and while I am not a psychologist, I am happy to share my personal journey and experiences.

In today’s post, I’m sharing some of the key behaviours that I exhibited and how I was able to spot that I had an unhealthy relationship with money.

Signs that you have an unhealthy relationship with money

You ‘treat’ yourself when you’re down |

Hands up how many of you have seen Parks and Recreation and instantly think of ‘treat yo self day’ when reading the above? I did but this isn’t what I’m referring to.

Being able to afford the things you love and being able to spend money from the heart is one of the most abundant mindsets to hold and so I’m not talking about a healthy want to buy nice things.

Here’s what I mean.

You’ve had one of those days, the kind where everything feels ten times harder than it usually would and everything under the sun has gone wrong. You decide that on the way home from work, or via a website if you work from home, you are going to ‘treat yourself’ to that bag you’ve always wanted.

It feels like a good thing to do and you justify it by telling yourself that you’ve had a bad day and this purchase will make you feel better.

But what happens when you’re running a bit low on funds and you have another bad day?

Do this enough times and your mind will associate spending with validation, with making you feel better and it can quickly spiral into an unhealthy habit. And what happens if you don’t have the money for a splurge the next time it happens?

Either you’ll feel trapped in a low vibration or you’ll spend money that you don’t have, a habit that is not abundant in anybody’s definition.

Here’s the thing, abundant people spend money because they love what they’re purchasing, they love the freedom of being able to purchase what they want and what they enjoy. But that’s not the same as doing it for instant gratification.

It’s the same as people who are trying to eat healthier, rewarding themselves with an unhealthy snack when they’ve had a ‘good’ day.

They’re bad habits to get in to and yet they are also habits that we’re essentially taught from childhood. How many of us were given sweets when we did something well?

People who are truly rich and abundant tend to not even think about money, they have the freedom that money can bring but aren’t reliant upon that for their everyday wellbeing. Money is just a ‘thing’ for them and they don’t spend all of their time trapped in all consuming, emotive attachments.

This is a habit that I still watch out for and one that I have fallen foul to on numerous occasions in the past. But self-awareness is crucial and knowing that it’s a touchpoint for me has majorly helped me to shift that part of my mindset.

Ok, so you’ve had a bad day but you’re thinking with LOAL principles, how do you get yourself out of that low vibration?

Try this. Grab your journal and ask yourself one useful question: What lessons could today have held for me?

Instead of trying to spend your way out of a bad situation, try flipping it on its head, turning it into a positive with something you can take away from. Everything in our lives happens to teach us some kind of lesson, and while it can be hard to acknowledge these in the moment, hindsight is a blessing.

Instead of ‘treating’ yourself to something that is ultimately going to only help in the short term, try seeing the bigger picture.

People who are truly abundant are those who can see abundance in every aspect of their lives, even the situations that are challenging or hard. And knowing that even the bad days have good, teachable moments, can help you to step out of other bad habits.

You feel lack when paying for bills or essentials |

In a way, this kind of ties into the previous concept because oftentimes we only feel abundant when we can buy the things that we have attached emotional value to.

The handbag will always feel better than the energy bill and it all goes back to how we chose to frame how we spend our money.

For most of us, paying our bills is just a part of life and not something that necessarily feels aligned or enjoyable but reframing this is essential to changing how you manifest.

Every time you make a payment, for anything, you are receiving something in return, whether that be a physical product, a service, or a lesson of some kind. And your job is to understand that it’s all just an exchange of energy. Everything is energy from the physical products to the emotional lessons and it’s a principle that applies to the big payments and the litter ones.

A level of resistance comes with the kind of payments that we make every month, they become so routine that we stop feeling grateful for them. And that’s the key, to step into gratitude and remember what we got for the money.

It’s important that you try to feel the same kind of gratitude and wealth whether you are paying for a luxe handbag or your water bill.

Try this. Next time you pay for a bill, step into the feeling of gratitude by asking yourself, what am I getting in return? Try and see the answer in the bigger picture of how that transaction has affected you because while it might not be obvious, when energy moves, everything around it moves too.

Here’s an example for you.

It’s time to pay your phone bill but as you sit down to pay it, you start to feel that familiar ‘icky’ feeling that sometimes comes with a bill payment. You have the money to pay it but in the back of your mind you can’t help but think about the other things that you could spend that money on. A couple of bottles of wine or a new pair of shoes. But you’ve used your phone and so if you don’t want your phone bill cut off, you must pay for it.

Instead of just seeing it as a phone bill, think about everything that you’ve had in exchange for that? Perhaps you’ve had to call the emergency services and had you not had your phone to hand; you wouldn’t have been able to do that. Or think about how much contact you’re now able to have with your friends or family, particularly over the past year, because of that phone.

Step into the feeling of gratitude at every opportunity and thank the universe for all the blessings that you have received and in return, you’ll receive even more to be grateful for.

You spend everything as soon as it comes in |

Again, this is linked to point one but if you’re spending money as soon as you have it, you’re going to want to question why.

People who are wealthy spend money as and when they want to and don’t only spend as money comes in. By doing that, you’re actually in a kind of lack because by splurging on payday, you’re communicating that you don’t believe that money is flowing to you.

But it is and the better you treat money; the easier money will come to you.

You spend too much on other people |

If you place a lot of value on money, then you probably use it in many aspects of your life and one of my biggest downfalls was the fact that I tried to use it to by validation.

For me, external validation has always been a problem and it’s been a challenge in all different parts of my life. That’s something for a later blog post. But in terms of money, I’ve often found myself spending money on other people, in a bid to pay their affection when I didn’t really have it to spend.

I’ve learned the hard way that there is nothing to be gained from this approach and while it’s cost me a lot over the years, it’s not something that I can say I regret. Because again, it’s all been part of my journey.

If this resonates with you and is something you do, start by having a good journaling session because it’s important to understand what it is that you are trying to compensate for.

And then do a whole lot of self-love work, finding a ritual that works for you.

Ultimately, you need to know that you matter and the only person whose opinion matters is yours. I’ve done a lot of self-love work over the past few years and it has utterly transformed my life for the better.